#fridayflash: controlled environment

"I was in a meeting this morning, and out of seven people, four of them were sick. Now I feel sick. Unbelievable."

Human Resources would like to remind you that flu season is upon us. Please read and follow the guidelines posted in all the kitchenettes and copy rooms to ensure we all stay healthy and productive.

"So l go to the doctor, and she says it's just a cold. Just a cold? I've had it for three weeks now! All I do is go to work and go home to sleep. I have no energy for anything else."

"It's the same as with everyone else who has it. Doris says she slept eleven hours every day this week. She's having trouble finding the time to pack her lunch, do housecleaning, stuff like that. Her kids made themselves sandwiches for dinner last night and left a huge mess in the kitchen 'cos she conked out on the couch."

"It's because people still come in when they're sick. So you're almost done getting over something, and then you catch something else while your immune system is still busy."

"Nice they think they're so bloody essential. Like there's no such thing as working from home."

"I swear next time we have a big meeting, they should bring bowls of cough lozenges instead of doughnuts."

This meeting is mandatory in-person. No conference call number will be provided.

Unfortunately, none of the bigger meeting rooms were available, so we'll all have to squeeze in. Please BYOC (Bring Your Own Chair).

"Just go home. And take a sick day tomorrow."

"Can't. The proposal has to go out for internal review by noon tomorrow."

"Do you want help?"

"It's okay —  it would take longer to explain to someone else than to just do, and I know you're sick too. But thank you."

Real Estate Services has advised that Friday 1 November, from 7pm to 10pm, the office ventilation system will be shut off for routine maintenance. The building will be closed after 6pm. If you need to do any work during the building closure, please VPN from another location.

"How long did you work last Friday?"

"'Til they kicked us all out at six, then a couple of hours after I got home. Why?"

"I must have just missed you. I got all the way to the mall and realised I left my wallet locked in my desk drawer — "

"Shit."

"Yeah, so I can't go without that all weekend, right? So I came back here and had to like beg the security guard to let me in. Get this, they had to accompany me. So my wallet was in my desk drawer where I left it, no big deal..."

"Okay..."

"And when I'm leaving, the security guard is kind of hustling me out, and.... it's hard to explain, but he kept sort of blocking my view of the window, even when you think it would make more sense for him to stand by the door, you know? So I lied and told him I'd left my access card in the car —  really it was in my pants pocket, but he'd worked the elevator and opened the door for us, so he didn't know that. So he has to go ahead of me to open the door to get out, and I took a quick glance out the window. Get this: there were people working on those big fans on the roof of the north tower, and they were wearing hazmat suits."

"Get out!"

"Seriously."

"Are you sure they weren't just wearing overalls and welding masks or something? They said maintenance."

"No way. They looked like they were collecting samples, too."

"Samples of what?"

"Don't know. I just got the one look out the window and the guard practically pushed me through the door."

"Weird."

"Tell me about it. Say, do you have any antihistamines left? The non-drowsy kind?"

"Shit, I'm all out again, sorry. Try Cheryl."

CONFIDENTIAL - DO NOT DISTRIBUTE

The building air filters have been infused with a new variant. Productivity levels are expected to remain steady based on last quarter's results. FTEs will, on average, be capable of maintaining expected productivity levels, but not have the energy to seek out other opportunities.